don't phone home!

I spent my college summers working at camps and directed a camp for one summer. One of the most challenging aspects of camp was ... parents! I would overhear a mother saying to her sad-faced daughter, "now if you get too homesick, just call me." Arrgghhh! Pretty much the worst thing for a homesick child is to talk with mom. As camp staff, we were trained in helping children push through their homesickness. I have experienced homesickness and it's awful. But most of the time, a child will get busy with camp fun and overcome her homesickness.

Some parents don't get past this tendency to want constant contact with their kids. They leave for college, and mom is calling, emailing or texting daily. Believe me, I wanted to know how my kids were doing at college in the worst way. (Especially the first one.) But experience has taught me that once a child leaves home, he needs time and space away from us to become the independent young adult we desire. Like it or not, I'm not going to be privvy to every move my son or daughter makes. And, I believe stepping back is a vote of confidence in showing my child that s/he will manage just fine.

I haven't perfected this, but I've decided that parenthood is a process of learning to let go of our children. It begins when they are small, with tiny but intentional steps. The parent who gets "stuck" and won't move forward in releasing her children might face difficulty down the road.

My daughter Katie spent her first freshman semester in Ireland and we talked with her maybe 4 times. It was a little tough for me, but she was doing spectacularly well, loving every minute of her adventure. Today she flew to Paraguay for a month-long mission trip and I probably won't talk with her at all.

We talk about wanting our kids to grow up, but I think parents have some growing up to do, too.


Katie in Ireland - 2008