changes

Where there is a thankful spirit, there is joy.

Oh dear, what in the world?? My blog posts have played hide-and-go-seek these many months. Can't tell you how many times I've printed in all CAPS on my to do lists: BLOG, to no avail. Gah!!

I continue to write for Heart of Ohio Magazine. The kind folks there kept me on board. Check out our beautiful magazine! Better yet, treat yourself to a subscription!

This week I'll make a stab back here on the blog. It's spring break from my school job. I appreciate you readers who have asked or said you miss my posts.

The past year has been amazing, in good ways and hard. How can anyone know exactly how a big life move will play out? Living in the same city as half our family is wonderful, as imagined. And living more central to all the kids proves the move from Ohio to North Carolina was right. We've made trips to Florida and Virginia (kids and grandkids both directions) and of course spend time with the kids/grandkids here.



Thanksgiving weekend 2016



I LOVE the weather in North Carolina. Spring comes with the calendar, none of that snow in April nonsense! We have a lovely front porch, perfect for morning coffee and afternoon reading. Hot summers, yes, but in college I lived in tents at Girl Scout camps in Tennessee and Florida ... THAT was hot. We can take day trips to the Blue Ridge Parkway and breathe in the mountains. Spectacular.

What I didn't fully anticipate was the difficulty of adjusting to a large, new city (even though we'd visited Dan and Jenny here for eight years, I didn't really learn the city), where to shop, friends, church, routines, and well, just EVERYTHING changed. At our age it's just harder than when you're young or have kids around to light your fire.

I spent a few months seeking part-time jobs and finally landed one which began after Thanksgiving. That's what seems to have anchored me a bit. I'm a reading tutor in a public elementary school and while learning all the pieces of the job was a challenge, the stretching has been so, so good. I work with some amazing women who are passionate about helping kids read, write and understand better. I love being part of a little army of encouragers to some kids who need it.

We've had some houseguests throughout the year: friends and family stopping over on trips north or south. Fun!

If there's one thing I'd do differently as a wife/mother/woman, it would have been to keep up a career of some sort. Yes, God makes my way but I believe He has something more beyond mothering and grandmothering and at this age it was extremely hard to find a niche where I can use my gifts.

Our quiver continues to fill: grandchild #8 is due in June (Mark and Jill's fourth) and #9 in September (David and Chelsea's first)! I'm excited to have the summer off for a change of pace although I doubt the pace will slow down. And really? I don't want to slow down because at my age I may not get moving again!

So that's where I am. Bill is driving for Uber and he's amazing at it! He needs to keep a journal because he comes home with hilarious and interesting stories from the road.

 

Perhaps the best lessons the past year have come through the hardships. I've learned gratefulness in the very hardest things because that's when I stretch, grow, and lean more on God and His faithfulness.

 

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is

God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

 

 

36 years

 

Today Bill and I celebrate 36 years of marriage! There have been ups. (Having 4 great kids in 7 years, adding 2 daughters-in-love and 5 grandchildren.) There have been downs too. But what I've learned is married love is a decision, not a feeling. "Trust your heart, go with your feelings" is the world's terrible advice. For me this usually results in a selfish mess. Follow God and trust His heart is the safest, if sometimes scary, route.

 

Love you, Bill. And thank you for loving me through all these years, even when I'm not easy to love. 



baseball and David!

We had a full day on Saturday! The Tampa Bay Rays were in Cincinnati playing the Reds over the weekend. Since they're in opposite leagues, it's unusual for them to play each other, so we were excited to drive just two hours and be able to see our David!

 

The weather was stellar: sunny, breezy and in the 70's, the best weather since last October! Although I've zipped through Cincinnati many times en route to Nashville, I've never spent much time there. The downtown, right on the Ohio River, is vibrant. We got to visit with David for a few minutes before the one o'clock game, but since he works during the game, we had to meet up again afterwards. Rays won!

We had a leisurely dinner at a restaurant near the river. Mmmmm, fantastic burgers. There's nothing as gratifying for a mother as spending time with an independent and delightful son! As we walked around the downtown, we met several of David's co-workers, also neat people. They must enjoy working with David because they all greeted us so warmly.



"Great American Ballpark"

We headed back home about 8:00. A too-short day with David, but completely worth it!

Messing with a new camera lens, ha!

the reading life

While I might not have been reading before starting school, my mother was a co-conspirator in my eagerness to learn. A January birthday, coupled with no public kindergarten where we lived meant I didn't start school until I was going on 7 years old. A home-schooler at heart if ever there was one, Mom taught me to write my name so I could obtain my own library card. Fostering a love of reading is, perhaps, one of the best gifts a parent give. And how my mother loved reading.

Over the past year I was an absolute slouch in my reading. My reading log makes it plain: just five books read in 2013. I read eight in 2012, including the Bible (88 books there). I'll cut myself a little slack: last year held some life challenges that seemed to throw me off. After Bill's surgery in April and through my dad's decline, I somehow couldn't stick with any book. Month after month this went on.

One year after we met, my bibliophile husband suggested I start a reading log. Since the summer of 1975 I've kept a log of every book read.

The log is a revealing look back at various life seasons. It hints at God wooing me, long before I decided to get to know Him. It speaks of my desperation to navigate motherhood (Your Two Year Old and The Strong-Willed Child), as I'd lost my mother before I became one. It also shows my human inability to do much more than care for four babies and toddlers: some years I read very few books.

Beside each title I noted the author, date read, and usually a one-sentence synopsis and whether or not I liked it. ("Fabulous!" "V. Good" "Fascinating") My log doesn't include the many books I started but never finished: since I'm past the age of book reports, I only finish a book if I enjoy or am somehow compelled to see it to the end. A few have been read twice, such as To Kill a Mockingbird and Through Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot.

I'm not much for fiction. This has been a lifelong preference: I remember heading for the biography shelves in my elementary school library! To me the life stories of real people hold deeper fascination than any fictional character.

And so I'm nearly 39 years into my log. The toddlers are grown and gone. I work a part-time job, but still have enough time to read. So this year my goal is one book per month. Right now (see previous post), I'm finishing books #2 and 3. On target!

It's good to be "home" with books again. What are you reading? Do you have a reading goal?

happy birthday, Bill!

 Happy birthday to my husband Bill!

We have been married for 35 years, but in the past 9 months I've seen Bill on a whole new level. The casual observer might not realize that he continues to recover from a serious spinal fusion last April. He drives, goes to church, out to eat, visits his mom, and runs errands. At home he functions around the house really well, but there are still several things that challenge him. (And he won't want me to write about this, that's how he is.)

When people ask how Bill is doing, the answer that comes to my mind is, "he doesn't complain." If I'd had such a serious surgery, you can bet I'd still be moaning about it. But Bill goes along, day after day, doing what he can and letting the rest go. He's full of grace, a lesson that I sorely need. He also encourages me to get on with life, even if it doesn't always include him.

This may be an unusual birthday blog post, but I want you to know, dear Bill, how much this year has revealed about you. And how I notice. I love and admire you more than before and I want your example to speak to those whose road is hard. You press on, taking each day as it comes.

I love you and wish you a happy, happy birthday!

catchin' up on Christmas

 

One of my favorites of our Christmas photo shoot!

 

Whoa, Christmas flew by, but seeing as how we spent it with ALL our kids and grandkids way down in Charlotte, it's taken awhile to get back on track. But I'm excited to share some photos.

Between Katie and me, we got a few decent shots. But oh goodness we couldn't man the cameras all the time. There was cooking and cleaning up to do, diapers to change, stories to read, bandaids to apply, toys to shove aside, popcorn to make, children to bathe and cuddle, and plain catching up with each other. Gloriously exhausting, it was!

So here goes ...


What a difference a year makes! (2012) ...

... and 2013. Whew, wasn't sure we could hold on to them all!
l to r: Noah, Ashlyn, Ari, Ethan and Lily

the guys seemed to have it all together
 

Mark and his boy Ethan

 

Uncle Dave can handle these guys, no problem!

So what's going on here? The guys are each making their own "Scotto" board. Same as the game 'Sequence,' but homemade on plywood with decks of cards, glue and polyurethane.
It was quite the project but they've always wanted their own boards.
 (We made one for Bill in 1997.)

Ari reading "Fancy Nancy Christmas"

 

 








Come on, what's cuter than the girls' table??



Bill (aka Popsy) found a few sweet moments with his grandbabies.
 



Katie and Jenny cooking up something fabulous. We ate well!


 

Er Noah, you're losing your pants. hehe




Oh gracious, this I love!
Jill's a wonderful mama.

The weather improved enough to get to a park. That's what you can do in North Carolina in December and it'll be my next post!




top ten (and final) posts of 2013: happy 35th anniversary

Sorry, fell a little behind there. Here's my final of the top ten posts of 2013, August 10, our 35th wedding anniversary. It was an incredible year of highs and lows: births, death, major surgery, and a big anniversary. A microcosm of life, you might say. Enjoy ... then it's on to 2014!

For the past three and a half years, our married sons and their wives have been filling the quivers. Ari born on New Years Day, 2010. Ashlyn in 2011, Lily in 2012, and now two baby boys: Noah was born in May and Mark and Jill's son due in just a few weeks. We're crazy blessed and thankful!
 

Last November in Virginia ... this photo already outdated!

On the other end of life, our two surviving parents are declining significantly. They occupy a good part of our thoughts and attention. We definitely feel that sandwich generation label.

There's really no secret to staying married this long. God should come first. He thought up marriage and has the corner on it. Then my husband, children and self. I also think a healthy dose of common sense got us this far. I often wonder why somewhere around 50% of American marriages go off track.

No relationship, no marriage will ever be perfect because no person is perfect. I know I do things that bug Bill. And he can push my buttons. The culture says "my happiness first," telling us to please ourselves above all else. Problem is, won't there be faults with the next spouse, too? At those times when my husband was driving me bonkers, I kept in mind that I will never find the perfect husband so I may as well stick with the first one who is pretty great. Not saying subsequent marriages can't work, but it seems so many people believe the grass will be better in another pasture so off they trot. If our pasture was parched, I guess I just waited until the next hour, or day, or season when a fresh rain fell and the grass grew tasty again.

I think marriage is a lot like a relationship with God. Satisfaction isn't guaranteed after the wedding. That's when the work begins. It was when I began to learn that to make this work, I'd have to die to self a whole lot. I'd have to listen even if I knew I was right. (ha!) I'd have to consider the preferences of my husband, and apologize when I wronged him. I'd have to let little stuff go and realize that most things are little in the big picture. I mention God because it's a perfect parallel. As in marriage, my walk with God has taken work, too. When I work at learning who God is and how to please him, our relationship intensifies and is sweeter.

I don't mean to get all analytical with marriage and dampen the celebration of this anniversary. But younger people do ask, "what's your secret?" I just want to say there's no secret, no magic formula. We live in a microwave society, but a lasting marriage takes time, thoughtfulness, commitment to the one you love, hard work and at times incredible patience.

When I first married, my father gave me one piece of advice. "Making marriage work isn't 50/50 effort. Sometimes it's 60/40 or 100/0. Try to give more than your share. Don't try to keep it even because it won't be." I think Dad gave excellent advice.                   

I'm not always a selfless giver. But I love you, Bill, and am overwhelmed by the blessings of these 35 years. Here's to many more!


Due to distance and the kids' jobs, we all get to gather about once a year.
November 2012

 

top ten posts: balancing acts

One of the biggest events of the year was Bill's spinal surgery in April. He's doing great now and has a positive attitude, although he isn't fully recovered.
It was a scary time but also one of seeing the world of medicine and rehabilitation: very inspiring and humbling for us both.
This post picks up during his 2-week rehab stay.

Practicing balance with Katie, PT.



Bill is working very hard this week on the rehab unit at Riverside.

I didn't doubt that he would, but it's hard to watch him

push through the pain and muscle weakness.

I know he's frustrated that he has such a long road.

Upper arms that worked before are significantly weakened from the surgery.

Balance needs work.

And his gait, the signal that first alerted us to his problem,

must be retrained.

Bill's making steady progress,

albeit not as rapid as he'd like.

He's doing a lot more self-care,

but isn't allowed to walk anywhere alone.

In his down time, if not napping,

Bill makes a phone call or two, can text,

reads the paper and watches TV.

He's made a couple of buddies on the unit,

some of whom have challenges greater than Bill's.

The PTs and OTs continue to amaze me.

They show compassion and humor,

but with an iron-will determinedness to help Bill

become independent again and come home.

Your messages, cards, calls and meals mean so much.

Every card is on display in his room,

and I read him the texts and e-mails.

I know you are a great encouragement.

Thank you, thank you!

Please pray for a increased stamina ... and a target release date!

fifty years ago

Bill stood waiting about a mile away when this photo was taken.

Fifty years ago today, my husband Bill and I were just 200 miles apart when news broke of President Kennedy's assassination. Bill was a freshman at Hiram College in Ohio and I was .... a third grader in Detroit! (Our kids get a laugh out of that.)

November 22, 1963 was also a Friday, and class was suddenly interrupted. An early dismissal was announced; I don't remember if we were told of the President's death, or just sent home to find out. I had just returned to school because I walked home for lunch each day. My younger brother remembers coming home to find mom ironing, with tears in her eyes. Bill's experience is much grander.

He seems to remember being in his dorm that Friday afternoon. As funeral plans became public, Bill and a college buddy, Charlie, decided to be a part of history. The next day they got a ride to the Ohio turnpike and patched together a series of rides to Washington, D.C. Bill, Charlie and their driver rode through the night as Kennedy's body lay in repose at the White House. By daybreak, the trio pulled into Gettysburg, the battlefield awash in the dawn of November 24. Then it was on to D.C. where the wide-eyed young men were given a tour by their chauffeur: the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, White House and appropriately, Arlington National Cemetery. "Absolutely amazing," remembers Bill, seeing Washington for the first time as it prepared to bury the nation's Commander-in-Chief.

By mid-morning, the procession with a horse-drawn caisson carrying Kennedy's body left the White House en route to the Capitol where the President  would lie in state for 24 hours. Bill and his companions found a spot on a curb to witness history. "I will never forget the somber, rhythmic echo of the horses' hooves down Pennsylvania Avenue, seeing the flag-draped coffin and riderless horse," Bill says.

Afterward, Bill and Charlie's driver said, "I'm headed west, you guys want a ride?" Knowing they had classes the next day, they accepted and rode back to Ohio that afternoon.

Bill doesn't have an impetuous bone in his body, so I find it amazing  he gave no second thought to a 24-hour adventure. At the invincible age of 18, he probably didn't realize the magnitude of tasting and witnessing such an historic day.

I imagine the kind driver saw the bigger picture and the sacred role he played in walking a couple of Ohio boys through 24 hours of history.

eviction = date night

Tonight our sweet, non-confrontational 23-year-old daughter politely asked if we might leave the house for a few hours. How could we say no? She planned to host her Bible study group ... most of whom are young married couples (I think that's kinda funny) and they had a special project in mind. More on that later.

We are hopeless homebodies. We fix dinner, we might watch some TV and dabble on our computers. That is the usual extent of our evenings. So when we realized THIS IS THE DAY and we had to figure out something to do, PAST DARK, it took until 1 o'clock to nail it down. We checked movie listings and made a plan.

Off we went at 3:30 for a 4:30 showing of a new movie that must be seen to be believed; I cannot adequately describe 12 Years a Slave. True stories always get me and this one happened in the mid-19th century, to a man named Solomon. Go see it and be prepared to cry and horrified that this happened in our country.

After the movie we hit Sam's Club for their well-priced cheese and pecans and honey. Then on to Trader Joe's for olive oil and more. I'm so sorry if you don't have a Trader Joe's anywhere near you! We're kind of like the farmers who come to town once a month for supplies in that our town of Delaware isn't so handy to the aforementioned.

Finally we had a late (so late I felt European) bite to eat at Chick-fil-A. Oh their sandwiches are yummy.

All this landed us home past 9 p.m., so very late for us country bumpkins. But it was a nice date, all because our daughter evicted us. Thanks, Katie! (Her group made a bunch of food for someone who's gluten-free. Wasn't that thoughtful?)

Happy 35th anniversary, my love

For the past three and a half years, our married sons and their wives have been filling the quivers. Ari born on New Years Day, 2010. Ashlyn in 2011, Lily in 2012, and now two baby boys: Noah was born in May and Mark and Jill's son due in just a few weeks. We're crazy blessed and thankful!
 

Last November in Virginia ... this photo already outdated!

On the other end of life, our two surviving parents are declining significantly. They occupy a good part of our thoughts and attention. We definitely feel that sandwich generation label.

There's really no secret to staying married this long. God should come first. He thought up marriage and has the corner on it. Then my husband, children and self. I also think a healthy dose of common sense got us this far. I often wonder why somewhere around 50% of American marriages go off track.

No relationship, no marriage will ever be perfect because no person is perfect. I know I do things that bug Bill. And he can push my buttons. The culture says "my happiness first," telling us to please ourselves above all else. Problem is, won't there be faults with the next spouse, too? At those times when my husband was driving me bonkers, I kept in mind that I will never find the perfect husband so I may as well stick with the first one who is pretty great. Not saying subsequent marriages can't work, but it seems so many people believe the grass will be better in another pasture so off they trot. If our pasture was parched, I guess I just waited until the next hour, or day, or season when a fresh rain fell and the grass grew tasty again.

I think marriage is a lot like a relationship with God. Satisfaction isn't *poof* guaranteed after the wedding. That is when the work begins. It was when I began to learn that to make this work, I'd have to die to self a whole lot. I'd have to listen even if I knew I was right. (ha!) I'd have to consider the preferences of my husband, and apologize when I wronged him. I'd have to let little stuff go and realize that most things are little in the big picture. I mention God because it's a perfect parallel. As in marriage, my walk with God has taken work, too. When I work at learning who God is and how to please him, our relationship intensifies and is sweeter.

I don't mean to get all analytical with marriage and dampen the celebration of this anniversary. But younger people do ask, "what's your secret?" I just want to say there's no secret, no magic formula. We live in a microwave society, but a lasting marriage takes time, thoughtfulness, commitment to the one you love, hard work and at times incredible patience.

When I first married, my father gave me one piece of advice. "Making marriage work isn't 50/50 effort. Sometimes it's 60/40 or 100/0. Try to give more than your share. Don't try to keep it even because it won't be." I think Dad gave excellent advice.                   

I'm not always a selfless giver. But I love you, Bill, and am overwhelmed by the blessings of these 35 years. Here's to many more!


Due to distance and the kids' jobs, we all get to gather about once a year.
November 2012

35 years!

At our Michigan cabin on our 25th anniversary, 2003.

It's universal: life seems to speed up as kids get older, as we get older. Our lives brimmed and spilled over with high school sports, kids learning to drive, me leading Katie's Girl Scout troop, two of the boys in Boy Scouts, youth group, and never-ending homework. (Ya know, I hated homework!) The baby we moved with to West Virginia graduated in 2001 and so began the college years.

I felt I was on a carousel those years, spinning round and round and trying to focus on something stationary. It was a rich and amazing ride, witnessing all four children transition to young adulthood and all three sons find jobs and move away. David, Dan and Katie all graduated from Taylor University, a gem of a school tucked away in rural Indiana. It might sound odd, but Bill and I fell in love with Taylor, for its Christian foundation and commitment to preparing kids to be Christ to a world in need. When Katie graduated last year, the only thing we were happy to leave behind at Taylor was tuition payments! 

Dan and Mark both fell in love with darling girls, Jenny and Jill, and we had weddings here in Delaware in 2007 and 2009. I always prayed for my children's future spouses, but never imagined how God would honor those prayers. I couldn't ask for more wonderful young women as my daughters-in-love as I call them.



Mark and Jill's wedding, August 1, 2009

In all the chaos, Bill continued to steady me. He found ways to take the pressure off, whether delaying a road trip by a day (because I'm never quite ready), or offering to pick up Chinese take-out so I don't have to cook. Whatever I make into a big deal, he somehow makes into a smaller deal. He's so flexible and accepting of my can't-always-get-it-together ways. Love that guy!

We didn't have a wedding of our own, so we enjoy our kids' weddings!
August 1, 2009

Well tomorrow is our anniversary! On more post to top it off. Our family grows by leaps and babies!

35 years!



Spring break in Florida, 1994

True story. The morning after I gave birth to our son Mark, the phone beside my hospital bed rang. It was Bill. "How would you like to move south, to North Carolina?" Oh sure, why not? It was time for a move, since we had a new baby!

And so we packed and moved. Six weeks later. We mini-vanned our way to Chapel Hill, North Carolina with three little boys, ages 4, 3 and 6 weeks and Bill's mom as our helper. The azaleas and red buds welcomed us in their full bloom! On move-out day in Ohio, it snowed. On move-in day in Chapel Hill, I went digging for shorts.

Making friends was as easy as walking across the street in Chapel Hill and that's exactly what I did. Directly across from our rental house was a neighborhood pool, crawling with young moms and their kids. We also walked David to the elementary school each day where there was no shortage of friendly faces. I think having school-aged children is the golden ticket to feeling at home in a new place. Almost without trying, the boys had friends, play dates, birthday parties, and I forged friendships with some wonderful women.

Bill experienced a bump in his career while in Chapel Hill, and we decided to relocate back to Ohio, this time to Delaware. Frankly, the move wasn't my choice. The boys and I were feeling settled and well, I was getting sick of moving. But I had resolved to support Bill in his career and so we moved. However this time, we both agreed that this move, if at all possible, would be our last for a long time. We wanted for our children what neither of us had: a hometown.

In this season of marriage, we began to shift our focus and efforts onto our children. I don't think it's an especially healthy thing for a marriage to let the scale tip toward the children: physically, mentally, emotionally. We were pretty good about date nights when the kids were young, but as they got older and busier, we tended to stay home with them and time for us took a back seat.

Oh, and I didn't mention. Another move = another baby! Bill went on to Ohio work while I stayed in North Carolina to sell the house. For three months we did this and I absolutely didn't think I would make it. The boys were ages 6, 4 and 19 months. I was pregnant, keeping the house realtor-ready, and so exhausted I wanted to die.

One afternoon a friend called. I burst into tears over the phone from sheer exhaustion. She said, "put the boys' pajamas in  a bag, I'm coming to get them." She fed them dinner, bathed them and brought them home at bedtime. I can't even remember the friend's name, but she was an angel on earth.



Montana: on top of the world for our 20th anniversary ...
on the memorable trip in Big Red with 4 kids.

We moved into a spec house the week before Christmas, 1989, the same house we live in today. I delivered Katie two months later and we launched into a wild and wooly 10 years of school, sports (oh mercy, the interminable sports), scouts, church, orthodontics, millions of laundry loads, a dog at last, and vacations. Anyone who says, "what's two more kids, once you already have two?" is lacking in math skills. Two kids in sports does not equal four kids in sports. Two sets of braces does not equal four. And eight years of college most certainly doesn't equate to sixteen!

I once heard someone say (and I think it offends Bill just a little): "sometimes the hardest part of being a parent is the other parent." This is the raw truth. I was the stricter disciplinarian because I was with them all day. He expected the kids to unquestioningly work hard in school; at times I questioned the benefit of homework. I was a yeller (not proud of that, and worked on it); that embarrassed him so he'd slam the windows shut so the neighbors wouldn't hear the bath-time chaos. He had only one brother and I had three siblings; I don't think he anticipated the decibel level at almost any time of day. I was into scouting and he wasn't. He was into sports and I definitely wasn't. On and on it went. At times, all these created differing expectations and standards in our home. And most days, we had very little time, energy or patience to hash it all out for a united front. Honey, did you ever figure out the difference between PG and PG-13?

There was also joy. And thankfulness. And humor. And music and laughter. And patience learned in late-night homework sessions. And listening, oh how I tried to listen. There was wonder in the growth and maturity of our children. We all learned grace and forgiveness, though it didn't always come easily.

Maybe most of all, I appreciated when Bill walked in the house after work. The kids would yell, "hi, Daddy!" and he'd wrap them in his arms and roll on the floor with them. He didn't care if the house was a wreck or dinner not ready. He valued cared-for children over a clean house.

I was exceedingly blessed in the ways he validated me, even if he couldn't know every detail of my day.

Tomorrow: though no more moves, the next ten years brimmed with changes!

35 years!

I joke that every time we had a baby, we moved. This certainly was the case from 1984 to 1988. In the spring of 1984, we left our beloved little house in Lake Worth and headed north with baby David. Our new home: a Girl Scout camp in the hills of West Virginia. The culture shock might have rocked me if not for the fact that we jumped into directing and managing the camp that summer. A camper died on the opening day of camp, we had numerous staff issues, oh, and I got pregnant.

One of the most endearing of Bill's traits is that he helps me to slow down, take a breath, and think about our situation. That August we packed David into our Mazda and took a road trip to Maine for two weeks. We needed a break after that crazy summer, and time to talk about our future. Another move came of it: Bill landed a job as a financial adviser and we moved to the northwest Ohio town of Defiance a week before Christmas and just a month before our son Dan was born.

That winter nearly stole my sanity. It was brutally cold and snowy. I didn't have a single friend. And no family. Bill was studying in the basement and driving to a distant town for training. Our house, near the historic Defiance fort grounds and public library, felt like a prison at times. Bill was so busy I'm not sure he realized the depth of my loneliness. But he has always, intentionally or not, left me much to my own devices emotionally, and I am the stronger for it.

One raw winter day as I left the library holding David's hand and bundling Dan inside my coat, I noticed another young mom heading to her car with two small girls. "Hi," I called out. "Do you go to story time?" We exchanged numbers and I invited Jean over to the house for coffee; she invited us to her farm north of town. It became a fun friendship.



In our kitchen in Defiance. Check out the maternity overalls I made!
Seriously, I have very few photos of Bill from this era.

Our three years in Defiance taught me that while marriage came first, I couldn't rely on my husband for my every need. If I wanted friends, I'd have to make them. If his job required long hours away from us for a time, I'd have to stay busy with the boys and be creative in breaking the boredom. While the boys napped, I curled up with parenting books by James Dobson to solve my current challenge: usually potty training or disciplining toddlers. The real blessing was that I focused on my job and got to know my boys thoroughly. I had no cell phone or computer to distract me. We cooked, read books, colored, played cars and trucks, visited parks, the library, and grocery shopped. Money was tight, so when the boys were in bed, Bill and I made a simple dinner for two and played board games on the porch for date night. I know I grumbled at times and lost my cool. But I knew the toddlers would grow and (hopefully!) so would Bill's business. Life is ever-changing, no doubt about it. A new season would come.

I also met God during that time through the solid teaching at First Church of Christ, now Defiance Christian. My spiritual sponge received a quenching and my life, my marriage, and role as a mother came into focus. How very thankful I am for that body of believers, and Bill, who insisted we go to church.

It was a hard season at times, no lie. But by the time our third son was on the way and our next move in the works, I had grown as a wife and mother, though still had a long way to go. As husband and wife, we were in this thing for the long haul!


"Yard work" in Defiance, 1987

Next: parenthood moves into high gear, and we move again: twice!

35 years!

This Saturday my husband Bill and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage. Thirty-five! It blows my mind, really. As I thought about all these years, and since I'm a photo freak, I began digging. Through photos and through my mind and heart. Here goes, from the beginning.

Bill and I dated for over four years before we married. Not because I wasn't sure about marriage, but because I was in college and my parents would stop payments if I married. "You'll be a grown, independent woman then," my dad said. Not that he wasn't ready to cut the apron strings, quite the opposite. With Dad, when you leave the nest, you fly. I also loved college life and wanted to complete that. So we dated and waited.

It's lame, but here's our wedding "portrait." We were married at a courthouse in August 1978 with no family in attendance. Would I do it differently? Yes, I sure would. But I had a job waiting in Florida and we didn't have much time to get our stuff together and move. So we got hitched. That's that.

The quality of this photo is awful, but I love it for the memory. We were on a drift boat off the coast of Lake Worth, Florida, the sweet little town where we spent our first five years of marriage. We went on a fishing trip on a Saturday and I got seasick, but it was one of those fun, early-marriage experiences I treasure. Almost everything was different in south Florida: the weather of course, living by the ocean, the rustling palmetto outside our bedroom window, getting rock shrimp for dinner fresh off the boats, year-round warmth for jogging, swimming, beaching, biking, you name it. And we were doing it together, in love, starting out our lives. I worked a job I loved, Bill did various jobs, and we lived in our little Lake Worth house for five years, with its wood floors and pool and orange tree. I had a lot to learn about being a wife. I was way too focused on myself first. I didn't know God. I loved Bill and somehow, thankfully, he loved me through my time of growing. 

In 1983 we became parents and life changed completely and wonderfully.

October, 1983: David makes three.

That's a quick summary of our first five years. See ya tomorrow!

an amazing month



Eating lunch yesterday after our appointment
with the surgeon. Notice the
new soft collar!


I've been caretaking, adjusting, resting, gardening, driving, arising early, finding a new normal with Bill and overall rejoicing the last ten days. And, I've found it very tough to get back to blogging.

One month ago today, Bill underwent his spinal fusion surgery. Little did we know the hard work that lay ahead. That night, he could barely move. We fed him for three days. His pain was off the charts. I was scared and wondered what we'd gotten ourselves into.

But today, four weeks later, Bill's been home a week and a half. He uses a cane for stability and can prepare his breakfast, feed the dog, and get around the house fairly well. He can shower and dress himself with some help.

I would tie Bill's shoes every day for the rest of my life if he could just take walks with me! And it's happening ... most days we take two walks around our block, which is HUGE. Pre-surgery, a short walk was more than he could handle. His stamina is slowly increasing. His arm strength probably won't fully return for many months. But thanks to therapy at our local hospital and at home, Bill will get there.

Next, I'll share some of the emotional and relational aspects of this journey. I'm so thankful for the countless friends and family who've helped, prayed, and asked about Bill!

steady he goes



A special visitor: Dr. Ben Burkam

Love this photo! One, it shows that a smile is coming back to Bill's face ... I'm seeing the "real Bill" bit by bit. Two, it shows the love surrounding us. Ben is our son David's best friend from high school, and he's in his residency at Riverside. He visited yesterday afternoon and how we enjoyed it. What a great "kid." (Now a dad!) Thank you, Ben!

The hospital is the hospital. The coffee's terrible. We'd rather be home. But the acute inpatient rehab unit at Riverside is fantastic. Yesterday the therapists put Bill through his PT and OT paces for a total of 3 hours. When finished, he took a nap! Bill's biggest accomplishment yesterday was walking with a cane. Slowly, but he did it. He's feeding himself pretty well, answering his phone, brushing his teeth. He's happy not to have to comb his hair! Still, nearly everything is an effort. He has a long way to go.

I'm thankful that family is welcome on the unit. There's a fridge and microwave so I can bring some food from home. We eat some meals together, and yesterday I rolled Bill downstairs to Riverside's lobby, the "mini airport terminal," as I call it, for a change of scenery.

Bill will have progress goals that will help determine when he can come home. It's unknown, but I ask for prayers for increased strength, energy and healing. The pain has diminished, but is still there.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart to friends and neighbors who have stepped in to help ease the burden of this journey. I love and thank God for you all.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. ... those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. ~ Isaiah 40:29 & 31



I take you

It's true, I've been away from writing for a bit. It's hard not to write: blogging now feels like my part-time job, one that I love. But with only one thing on my mind lately, I waited for the right time to write.

It’s been about six weeks since Bill and I first stepped into an orthopedic surgeon’s office. What a ride. Over the years, Bill’s walking and balance have become increasingly difficult. Walking the dog with me: too tiring. Walking through a mall or a one-mile hike: impossible. His legs just won’t move fluidly.

And so we decided to find out what's going on. The x-rays and MRI's revealed some sobering facts. Bill has a lot of arthritis up and down his spine. And while most of his pain is in his lower back, the most serious issue is in his neck, where arthritis is pressing in on his spinal cord. He also has a number of discs that need repair.

On Tuesday, April 16, Bill will undergo a two-part surgery to fix these problems. There’s no guarantee that he'll be pain-free or that he’ll regain complete mobility. But according to our surgeon, this condition is degenerative. It will only worsen, and must be addressed soon.

We’ve been told to expect three nights in the hospital, up to two weeks in a rehab facility, then home. He’ll have to wear a collar as the fusions heal and grow. No driving during that time.

Those are the basic facts of the situation. Bill is logical, methodical. I can’t know completely how he's processing this, but he definitely thinks things through. Being the deeply “feeling” one, I’m definitely experiencing a jumble of emotions.

It’s not a routine, simple surgery. Though I'm feeling a peace about it, I'm also nervous.

I’m angry at times. That we have to go through this, and that Bill doesn’t seem tuned in to what I’m going through.

Then I’m ashamed, too. That I focus on myself rather than Bill, who is the one facing the hard work of recuperation!

I’ve felt mentally exhausted. There are the what-ifs, updating friends and family, the pre-surgery details, the post-surgery care, and initially waiting for Bill to decide whether to have the surgery at all.

But I am thankful. Thankful that this is our first major health issue in all our married life. Thankful we live in a time and place that affords us accessibility to skilled surgeons and advanced medicine. Seeing the MRI was amazing! Thankful for an incredible group of family, neighbors, friends, and church family who are standing by to help. Thankful that two of our children will be here for the surgery.

I choose to trust in the Great Physician, the same God who reassured Joshua as he succeeded Moses in bringing the Israelites to Canaan. I choose to trust in God's promise that he’ll never leave us. And I choose to be strong and love the husband I took 35 years ago, in sickness and in health. And when I feel weak and scared, I’ll trust God and do the next thing, as Oswald Chambers says. Just do the next thing. (After all, feelings are so unreliable, says Elisabeth Elliot.)

As we prepare and work out some details leading up to the surgery, I will blog as I can.

Thanks for your love, prayers and support. So very thankful for you!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

my un-Valentine

Bill and I have never embraced the traditional, commercial aspects of Valentine's Day. In the beginning, he seemed to reject that "someone" like Hallmark dictated a day of love. Then once our children came along, we ended up with three born in January and February; two of their birthdays are six days on either side of Valentine's Day. I was frankly up to my eyeballs in February celebrations.

So Valentine's Day took a backseat in our house.

Now that we're empty-nesters and having been married for almost 35 years, I've grown to appreciate the everyday expressions of love.

Perhaps some won't see it this way, but it's very dear to me.

It shows lasting commitment.

Bill makes the coffee every morning. He gets it ready, but waits until I'm up to turn it on, knowing I don't like coffee that's been sitting awhile.

I can't quite admit it, but I don't especially like to do the driving on our long trips.

He gladly takes the wheel while I read or nap. Hours and hours.

And when we travel, he's always willing to pull over for whatever I want:

coffee, ice cream, a photo opp, or an interesting shop.

Bill's more than flexible when it comes to meals. The man would eat cold

lasagna for breakfast with no complaint.

I don't think I can recall five meals he hasn't liked in 35 years.

A writer needs solitude, time to think and write.
He gives me that, day after day.

When the kids were young and I was home with them,

Bill never once asked, "what did you do all day?"

He seemed to appreciate that I'd done plenty, even if the house was a wreck.

And speaking of that, he never really cared if the house was a wreck.

He thought it was more important that I spend time with the

children than clean house.

I'm not always easy to love, but my husband keeps at it,
an example of 1 Corinthians 13.
"... love is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrong ... always protects,
trusts, perseveres ..."

And though Valentine's Day isn't his thing,

Bill will offer to take me out for lunch or dinner.

But then, he does that all through the year.

That's what endears him to me this Valentine's Day.

I love you, honey!

To see your husband loving your children - and grandchildren - might be the best Valentine of all.

cake and chores and Tinkerbell

My brother Mark got a yummy cake for Bill's birthday on the 15th. (No, no no ... he isn't 86!!) Then it was off to Charlotte, which was a little off plan ... but Dan had received some exciting news while we were in Florida: being offered his own office ... a HUGE, wonderful blessing! So we just had to run by Charlotte and see the office, the girls, Dan, Jenny and Katie!

Jenny keeps these girls busy, busy. They paint, play dress-up, read, do puzzles, play outside and do chores. Two and three-year-olds can certainly help around the house! It's just part of daily life and Ari goes with the flow.

This is one of my favorites of the trip. Bill was reading "Pilgrim at Tinker Creek." Ari asked him what it was, then got very excited because she's crazy about Tinkerbell. She thought it must be a book about Tinkerbell, crawled up in Bill's lap and asked him to read. Oh my goodness. Our trip was winding down. Two weeks on the road!