65th anniversary

 

This photo was taken 65 years ago today at my parents' wedding

in Memphis, Tennessee.

Weddings were so different then.

Look at the huge flower arrangement behind my grandfather on the left!

No dinner afterward: I imagine this was a cake reception at the church.

Mom wore a tea-length dress and my grandmothers of course

were decked out with their gloves, hats and purses. 

With the exception of my dad's father, all my grandparents

were younger than I am now, yet they look so old in their dowdy clothing!

 

This joyous union produced four children but lasted just 28 years

when my mother died of cancer in May of 1979. Dad married a lovely woman,

Sally, and their marriage lasted over 30 years before Dad's death.

He was the only person I knew who celebrated TWO 25th anniversaries!

 

To my children and all young marrieds, cherish the one you marry

because this life holds no guarantees.

One day your children will look at your wedding photos

and wonder where the years went.  

 

With all your strength and with God's grace, love big and love well!

 

 

 

36 years

 

Today Bill and I celebrate 36 years of marriage! There have been ups. (Having 4 great kids in 7 years, adding 2 daughters-in-love and 5 grandchildren.) There have been downs too. But what I've learned is married love is a decision, not a feeling. "Trust your heart, go with your feelings" is the world's terrible advice. For me this usually results in a selfish mess. Follow God and trust His heart is the safest, if sometimes scary, route.

 

Love you, Bill. And thank you for loving me through all these years, even when I'm not easy to love. 



happy anniversary, Mark & Jill!

Five years ago, these two cuties got married. What a sweet ceremony, what a fun reception with family and friends.

In these five years so much has happened in our family. Last of the college graduations. Births of five grandchildren! Losing my dad. Our nest emptying. And countless road trips to spend time with them all: now six kids and five grandchildren. What a mixed bag of joy and tears.

Wishing you a happy anniversary, Mark and Jill. You amaze me with your hard work, dedication to God, your children, and each other. You committed to each other so young and are proof that young love can be a lasting love.

Here's to the next five years! 

Dan & Jenny: 7 years!

College graduation weekend, 2007

 

These two lovebirds were married seven years ago today:

my son Dan and his college sweetheart Jenny.

 

 

 

They were pretty crazy about each other from the beginning, I believe.

The first time Dan brought Jenny to visit was such fun.

Katie loved having a "big sister" around and we spent the weekend eating, laughing, and making bead bracelets.

 

Dan and Jenny's first seven years of marriage have been a roller coaster of sorts.

Moving to a new state, major job change,  and

1 - 2 - 3 babies in 3 and 1/2 years!

I'm proud of you, Dan and Jenny, for working hard for your

family and marriage and for holding fast to your faith.

Much love for a happy anniversary!

 

 

 

 

 

 



top ten (and final) posts of 2013: happy 35th anniversary

Sorry, fell a little behind there. Here's my final of the top ten posts of 2013, August 10, our 35th wedding anniversary. It was an incredible year of highs and lows: births, death, major surgery, and a big anniversary. A microcosm of life, you might say. Enjoy ... then it's on to 2014!

For the past three and a half years, our married sons and their wives have been filling the quivers. Ari born on New Years Day, 2010. Ashlyn in 2011, Lily in 2012, and now two baby boys: Noah was born in May and Mark and Jill's son due in just a few weeks. We're crazy blessed and thankful!
 

Last November in Virginia ... this photo already outdated!

On the other end of life, our two surviving parents are declining significantly. They occupy a good part of our thoughts and attention. We definitely feel that sandwich generation label.

There's really no secret to staying married this long. God should come first. He thought up marriage and has the corner on it. Then my husband, children and self. I also think a healthy dose of common sense got us this far. I often wonder why somewhere around 50% of American marriages go off track.

No relationship, no marriage will ever be perfect because no person is perfect. I know I do things that bug Bill. And he can push my buttons. The culture says "my happiness first," telling us to please ourselves above all else. Problem is, won't there be faults with the next spouse, too? At those times when my husband was driving me bonkers, I kept in mind that I will never find the perfect husband so I may as well stick with the first one who is pretty great. Not saying subsequent marriages can't work, but it seems so many people believe the grass will be better in another pasture so off they trot. If our pasture was parched, I guess I just waited until the next hour, or day, or season when a fresh rain fell and the grass grew tasty again.

I think marriage is a lot like a relationship with God. Satisfaction isn't guaranteed after the wedding. That's when the work begins. It was when I began to learn that to make this work, I'd have to die to self a whole lot. I'd have to listen even if I knew I was right. (ha!) I'd have to consider the preferences of my husband, and apologize when I wronged him. I'd have to let little stuff go and realize that most things are little in the big picture. I mention God because it's a perfect parallel. As in marriage, my walk with God has taken work, too. When I work at learning who God is and how to please him, our relationship intensifies and is sweeter.

I don't mean to get all analytical with marriage and dampen the celebration of this anniversary. But younger people do ask, "what's your secret?" I just want to say there's no secret, no magic formula. We live in a microwave society, but a lasting marriage takes time, thoughtfulness, commitment to the one you love, hard work and at times incredible patience.

When I first married, my father gave me one piece of advice. "Making marriage work isn't 50/50 effort. Sometimes it's 60/40 or 100/0. Try to give more than your share. Don't try to keep it even because it won't be." I think Dad gave excellent advice.                   

I'm not always a selfless giver. But I love you, Bill, and am overwhelmed by the blessings of these 35 years. Here's to many more!


Due to distance and the kids' jobs, we all get to gather about once a year.
November 2012

 

Happy 35th anniversary, my love

For the past three and a half years, our married sons and their wives have been filling the quivers. Ari born on New Years Day, 2010. Ashlyn in 2011, Lily in 2012, and now two baby boys: Noah was born in May and Mark and Jill's son due in just a few weeks. We're crazy blessed and thankful!
 

Last November in Virginia ... this photo already outdated!

On the other end of life, our two surviving parents are declining significantly. They occupy a good part of our thoughts and attention. We definitely feel that sandwich generation label.

There's really no secret to staying married this long. God should come first. He thought up marriage and has the corner on it. Then my husband, children and self. I also think a healthy dose of common sense got us this far. I often wonder why somewhere around 50% of American marriages go off track.

No relationship, no marriage will ever be perfect because no person is perfect. I know I do things that bug Bill. And he can push my buttons. The culture says "my happiness first," telling us to please ourselves above all else. Problem is, won't there be faults with the next spouse, too? At those times when my husband was driving me bonkers, I kept in mind that I will never find the perfect husband so I may as well stick with the first one who is pretty great. Not saying subsequent marriages can't work, but it seems so many people believe the grass will be better in another pasture so off they trot. If our pasture was parched, I guess I just waited until the next hour, or day, or season when a fresh rain fell and the grass grew tasty again.

I think marriage is a lot like a relationship with God. Satisfaction isn't *poof* guaranteed after the wedding. That is when the work begins. It was when I began to learn that to make this work, I'd have to die to self a whole lot. I'd have to listen even if I knew I was right. (ha!) I'd have to consider the preferences of my husband, and apologize when I wronged him. I'd have to let little stuff go and realize that most things are little in the big picture. I mention God because it's a perfect parallel. As in marriage, my walk with God has taken work, too. When I work at learning who God is and how to please him, our relationship intensifies and is sweeter.

I don't mean to get all analytical with marriage and dampen the celebration of this anniversary. But younger people do ask, "what's your secret?" I just want to say there's no secret, no magic formula. We live in a microwave society, but a lasting marriage takes time, thoughtfulness, commitment to the one you love, hard work and at times incredible patience.

When I first married, my father gave me one piece of advice. "Making marriage work isn't 50/50 effort. Sometimes it's 60/40 or 100/0. Try to give more than your share. Don't try to keep it even because it won't be." I think Dad gave excellent advice.                   

I'm not always a selfless giver. But I love you, Bill, and am overwhelmed by the blessings of these 35 years. Here's to many more!


Due to distance and the kids' jobs, we all get to gather about once a year.
November 2012

35 years!

At our Michigan cabin on our 25th anniversary, 2003.

It's universal: life seems to speed up as kids get older, as we get older. Our lives brimmed and spilled over with high school sports, kids learning to drive, me leading Katie's Girl Scout troop, two of the boys in Boy Scouts, youth group, and never-ending homework. (Ya know, I hated homework!) The baby we moved with to West Virginia graduated in 2001 and so began the college years.

I felt I was on a carousel those years, spinning round and round and trying to focus on something stationary. It was a rich and amazing ride, witnessing all four children transition to young adulthood and all three sons find jobs and move away. David, Dan and Katie all graduated from Taylor University, a gem of a school tucked away in rural Indiana. It might sound odd, but Bill and I fell in love with Taylor, for its Christian foundation and commitment to preparing kids to be Christ to a world in need. When Katie graduated last year, the only thing we were happy to leave behind at Taylor was tuition payments! 

Dan and Mark both fell in love with darling girls, Jenny and Jill, and we had weddings here in Delaware in 2007 and 2009. I always prayed for my children's future spouses, but never imagined how God would honor those prayers. I couldn't ask for more wonderful young women as my daughters-in-love as I call them.



Mark and Jill's wedding, August 1, 2009

In all the chaos, Bill continued to steady me. He found ways to take the pressure off, whether delaying a road trip by a day (because I'm never quite ready), or offering to pick up Chinese take-out so I don't have to cook. Whatever I make into a big deal, he somehow makes into a smaller deal. He's so flexible and accepting of my can't-always-get-it-together ways. Love that guy!

We didn't have a wedding of our own, so we enjoy our kids' weddings!
August 1, 2009

Well tomorrow is our anniversary! On more post to top it off. Our family grows by leaps and babies!

35 years!



Spring break in Florida, 1994

True story. The morning after I gave birth to our son Mark, the phone beside my hospital bed rang. It was Bill. "How would you like to move south, to North Carolina?" Oh sure, why not? It was time for a move, since we had a new baby!

And so we packed and moved. Six weeks later. We mini-vanned our way to Chapel Hill, North Carolina with three little boys, ages 4, 3 and 6 weeks and Bill's mom as our helper. The azaleas and red buds welcomed us in their full bloom! On move-out day in Ohio, it snowed. On move-in day in Chapel Hill, I went digging for shorts.

Making friends was as easy as walking across the street in Chapel Hill and that's exactly what I did. Directly across from our rental house was a neighborhood pool, crawling with young moms and their kids. We also walked David to the elementary school each day where there was no shortage of friendly faces. I think having school-aged children is the golden ticket to feeling at home in a new place. Almost without trying, the boys had friends, play dates, birthday parties, and I forged friendships with some wonderful women.

Bill experienced a bump in his career while in Chapel Hill, and we decided to relocate back to Ohio, this time to Delaware. Frankly, the move wasn't my choice. The boys and I were feeling settled and well, I was getting sick of moving. But I had resolved to support Bill in his career and so we moved. However this time, we both agreed that this move, if at all possible, would be our last for a long time. We wanted for our children what neither of us had: a hometown.

In this season of marriage, we began to shift our focus and efforts onto our children. I don't think it's an especially healthy thing for a marriage to let the scale tip toward the children: physically, mentally, emotionally. We were pretty good about date nights when the kids were young, but as they got older and busier, we tended to stay home with them and time for us took a back seat.

Oh, and I didn't mention. Another move = another baby! Bill went on to Ohio work while I stayed in North Carolina to sell the house. For three months we did this and I absolutely didn't think I would make it. The boys were ages 6, 4 and 19 months. I was pregnant, keeping the house realtor-ready, and so exhausted I wanted to die.

One afternoon a friend called. I burst into tears over the phone from sheer exhaustion. She said, "put the boys' pajamas in  a bag, I'm coming to get them." She fed them dinner, bathed them and brought them home at bedtime. I can't even remember the friend's name, but she was an angel on earth.



Montana: on top of the world for our 20th anniversary ...
on the memorable trip in Big Red with 4 kids.

We moved into a spec house the week before Christmas, 1989, the same house we live in today. I delivered Katie two months later and we launched into a wild and wooly 10 years of school, sports (oh mercy, the interminable sports), scouts, church, orthodontics, millions of laundry loads, a dog at last, and vacations. Anyone who says, "what's two more kids, once you already have two?" is lacking in math skills. Two kids in sports does not equal four kids in sports. Two sets of braces does not equal four. And eight years of college most certainly doesn't equate to sixteen!

I once heard someone say (and I think it offends Bill just a little): "sometimes the hardest part of being a parent is the other parent." This is the raw truth. I was the stricter disciplinarian because I was with them all day. He expected the kids to unquestioningly work hard in school; at times I questioned the benefit of homework. I was a yeller (not proud of that, and worked on it); that embarrassed him so he'd slam the windows shut so the neighbors wouldn't hear the bath-time chaos. He had only one brother and I had three siblings; I don't think he anticipated the decibel level at almost any time of day. I was into scouting and he wasn't. He was into sports and I definitely wasn't. On and on it went. At times, all these created differing expectations and standards in our home. And most days, we had very little time, energy or patience to hash it all out for a united front. Honey, did you ever figure out the difference between PG and PG-13?

There was also joy. And thankfulness. And humor. And music and laughter. And patience learned in late-night homework sessions. And listening, oh how I tried to listen. There was wonder in the growth and maturity of our children. We all learned grace and forgiveness, though it didn't always come easily.

Maybe most of all, I appreciated when Bill walked in the house after work. The kids would yell, "hi, Daddy!" and he'd wrap them in his arms and roll on the floor with them. He didn't care if the house was a wreck or dinner not ready. He valued cared-for children over a clean house.

I was exceedingly blessed in the ways he validated me, even if he couldn't know every detail of my day.

Tomorrow: though no more moves, the next ten years brimmed with changes!

35 years!

I joke that every time we had a baby, we moved. This certainly was the case from 1984 to 1988. In the spring of 1984, we left our beloved little house in Lake Worth and headed north with baby David. Our new home: a Girl Scout camp in the hills of West Virginia. The culture shock might have rocked me if not for the fact that we jumped into directing and managing the camp that summer. A camper died on the opening day of camp, we had numerous staff issues, oh, and I got pregnant.

One of the most endearing of Bill's traits is that he helps me to slow down, take a breath, and think about our situation. That August we packed David into our Mazda and took a road trip to Maine for two weeks. We needed a break after that crazy summer, and time to talk about our future. Another move came of it: Bill landed a job as a financial adviser and we moved to the northwest Ohio town of Defiance a week before Christmas and just a month before our son Dan was born.

That winter nearly stole my sanity. It was brutally cold and snowy. I didn't have a single friend. And no family. Bill was studying in the basement and driving to a distant town for training. Our house, near the historic Defiance fort grounds and public library, felt like a prison at times. Bill was so busy I'm not sure he realized the depth of my loneliness. But he has always, intentionally or not, left me much to my own devices emotionally, and I am the stronger for it.

One raw winter day as I left the library holding David's hand and bundling Dan inside my coat, I noticed another young mom heading to her car with two small girls. "Hi," I called out. "Do you go to story time?" We exchanged numbers and I invited Jean over to the house for coffee; she invited us to her farm north of town. It became a fun friendship.



In our kitchen in Defiance. Check out the maternity overalls I made!
Seriously, I have very few photos of Bill from this era.

Our three years in Defiance taught me that while marriage came first, I couldn't rely on my husband for my every need. If I wanted friends, I'd have to make them. If his job required long hours away from us for a time, I'd have to stay busy with the boys and be creative in breaking the boredom. While the boys napped, I curled up with parenting books by James Dobson to solve my current challenge: usually potty training or disciplining toddlers. The real blessing was that I focused on my job and got to know my boys thoroughly. I had no cell phone or computer to distract me. We cooked, read books, colored, played cars and trucks, visited parks, the library, and grocery shopped. Money was tight, so when the boys were in bed, Bill and I made a simple dinner for two and played board games on the porch for date night. I know I grumbled at times and lost my cool. But I knew the toddlers would grow and (hopefully!) so would Bill's business. Life is ever-changing, no doubt about it. A new season would come.

I also met God during that time through the solid teaching at First Church of Christ, now Defiance Christian. My spiritual sponge received a quenching and my life, my marriage, and role as a mother came into focus. How very thankful I am for that body of believers, and Bill, who insisted we go to church.

It was a hard season at times, no lie. But by the time our third son was on the way and our next move in the works, I had grown as a wife and mother, though still had a long way to go. As husband and wife, we were in this thing for the long haul!


"Yard work" in Defiance, 1987

Next: parenthood moves into high gear, and we move again: twice!

35 years!

This Saturday my husband Bill and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage. Thirty-five! It blows my mind, really. As I thought about all these years, and since I'm a photo freak, I began digging. Through photos and through my mind and heart. Here goes, from the beginning.

Bill and I dated for over four years before we married. Not because I wasn't sure about marriage, but because I was in college and my parents would stop payments if I married. "You'll be a grown, independent woman then," my dad said. Not that he wasn't ready to cut the apron strings, quite the opposite. With Dad, when you leave the nest, you fly. I also loved college life and wanted to complete that. So we dated and waited.

It's lame, but here's our wedding "portrait." We were married at a courthouse in August 1978 with no family in attendance. Would I do it differently? Yes, I sure would. But I had a job waiting in Florida and we didn't have much time to get our stuff together and move. So we got hitched. That's that.

The quality of this photo is awful, but I love it for the memory. We were on a drift boat off the coast of Lake Worth, Florida, the sweet little town where we spent our first five years of marriage. We went on a fishing trip on a Saturday and I got seasick, but it was one of those fun, early-marriage experiences I treasure. Almost everything was different in south Florida: the weather of course, living by the ocean, the rustling palmetto outside our bedroom window, getting rock shrimp for dinner fresh off the boats, year-round warmth for jogging, swimming, beaching, biking, you name it. And we were doing it together, in love, starting out our lives. I worked a job I loved, Bill did various jobs, and we lived in our little Lake Worth house for five years, with its wood floors and pool and orange tree. I had a lot to learn about being a wife. I was way too focused on myself first. I didn't know God. I loved Bill and somehow, thankfully, he loved me through my time of growing. 

In 1983 we became parents and life changed completely and wonderfully.

October, 1983: David makes three.

That's a quick summary of our first five years. See ya tomorrow!