walking the line ... making choices

Soggy sleepy bags, sweatshirts and boxers. Soggy towels. Lots of them. And now, a soggy spirit.

I've tried two or three times to write a post on my son Mark's wedding over the weekend. Nothing comes out quite right. So I'll start over.

Thursday night it rained on the bachelor camp-out. (see last post) Friday night our washer overflowed. (that might be the next post) I ended up with a mountain of wet towels, which my neighbor washed and dried on Saturday morning, the day of the wedding.

I'm pretty much a frustrated photographer without a camera, so the photos I did take are in the camera with the honeymooning couple. Very disheartening; if I can't see some photos pretty soon, I might wither away.

The wedding was glorious, the reception fun and festive. But as the groom's mother, and I say this with some authority since it's my second time around, I find myself on an emotional yo-yo. One moment I'm needed and wanted. The next moment, I may as well get lost, for all the help I provide. That's good, right? Then why doesn't it feel so good? See what I mean?

They need us, then they don't. Not unlike toddler days when a 3-year-old walks a tenuous line between dependence and independence. Our job is to figure out when to help out and when to let go. We walk the line, too.

Look at the tiny photo above ... it sort of represents my jumbled-up emotions right now. It's a beautiful, yet low-resolution photo of the newlyweds, taken off a friend's facebook page.

Mark and Jill's life together is just beginning, but I am standing way, way back. The memories are fresh and sweet but the biggest part of my job seems to be coming to a close.

It's really ok. I will remember the words of Elisabeth Elliot: emotions are so unreliable. Elliot also said, "Life requires countless 'little' deaths - occasions when we are given the chance to say no to self and yes to God." (Passion and Purity, page 73.)

That's what it comes down to: will I wallow in sentiment (all about me) or rejoice in Mark and Jill's happiness? (all about them)

Decision: I will focus on the blessing of gaining a new daughter and witnessing a new family being born!