summing up summer

Good grief in five days it'll be September. This means I haven't posted ALL SUMMER which is lame if you ask me. But our new life has me still unsettled and ... I don't write well when unsettled. I'll try to sum up the summer.

We headed back to Ohio soon after my last post: dear friend and neighbor, Steve Johnson, died in early June. Such a fighter. I was thankful to sit with his wife Siobhan on their back porch for a bit, sharing our hearts and tears. We helped each other as young moms and Siobhan is the closest friend I have to lose her husband. I realize, obviously, the brevity of life, but also that we're entering the season of life when friends lose spouses.

We learned later in June that the buyer of our cabin demolished it. We figure it was his plan all along, a plan he'd revealed to no one, especially not us nor the realtor. While we knew this would probably happen someday, it was a real gut-punch to know someone valued that piece of property (the size and view) a whole lot more than the historic little cottage. And you know how special it was to us.

Only now am I beginning to feel a bit more comfortable here, JUST a bit. The adjustments are huge. Like who'll cut my hair (it's real!), where's the nearest library (in Delaware it's just "where's the library?" because there's only one), grocery store decisions (no Kroger in sight: this is still disturbing to me but I'm dealing), how to fit everything in a much smaller house (daughter Katie moved back home with us; that upped the 'stuff' factor), and navigating my way around (in our area of Charlotte, plus Dan and Jenny's area of Harrisburg): figuring out routes but also becoming an assertive city driver in the incredible traffic.

I know God brought us to this little neighborhood for good reason, if only for a time. Their names are Jack and Frances, next door neighbors. True Southerners, as friendly as they come. We've enjoyed many a chat about gardening, God, and life in general. So thankful!

We've found a church we really like: Connect Christian Church in Concord (still another community) and the people and worship are terrific. But to make new connections in a community takes intentional time and effort. I have gone to quite a few women's events (Monday breakfasts, book club and ministry events) to meet more women. I had become so complacent about this in Delaware, but now I feel it's essential for my mental state to forge friendships. But it isn't easy!

I spend some time with the grandchildren and that's pretty special: babysitting to help out Dan and Jenny, having the kids over to play, taking them swimming. It's so dear getting to know them better! I surprised Jill in June, showing up to spend a few days. Really fun! Will be going again soon.

We had a "birthday weekend" here in late May for three of the grandchildren: lots of fun!



                                                                                                 by Katie Haller

 

I'm also looking around for a job. It'll help our finances and I just have a sense that God wants to use me somewhere, somehow. I spent a lot of years at home with kids, but I'd love to use my skills and develop new ones. And I plan to get back to my photography. I'd appreciate prayer!

"Petey" by me

 

Bill had some crazy back pain this summer but after seeing a neurosurgeon he's working hard at physical therapy. It seems to be helping. "Go Popsy, work hard!" as 6-year-old Ari says! I'm hoping he can strengthen and improve his mobility.

David and Chelsea will fly up for a weekend in September: really looking forward to that! David is usually on hiatus from seeing us for most of baseball season.

So that's where we are. Having stayed put for 26 years, we'd forgotten what's involved in a move. But also, we're middle aged and all of it takes much more effort. We're getting there but it sure takes some time.

Hope your summer's been smooth. Fall is just around the corner and we will welcome it here in North Carolina!

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him. Psalm 37:7

back in the saddle

It seems I've been apologizing all year about being away from blogging. Just been one of those years. I think about writing, but then get stuck thinking of what to write, then on the verge of something and get busy or have a road trip and blah blah blah!

So we've kind of sort of already had Christmas. We - Bill and I, kids & spouses & girlfriend, and all five grandchildren, converged at Mark and Jill's house for Thanksgiving. It was fun and LOUD and messy (when was the last time you cleaned a handful of rice off a wood floor? not so pretty) and exhausting and love-filled and wonderful! So. My thought was to get Christmas gifts all together and take them at Thanksgiving. It was great in theory but made me a little koo koo for the month of November. Well, most shopping eventually makes me koo koo ya know? Here are a few photos ...

 

 

Air and space museum!

 

We were THRILLED to meet Chelsea, David's girlfriend!


It's funny how I was first a mom to three little boys ...
and now my first three grandchildren are little girls. Love!



 Until next time ....... 

happy birthday, sis!

 

Here's that photo again and I know exactly the year:

50 years ago, 1964!

While our house was being built, we rented a house from a retired couple

who spent the winter in Florida.

(Mom and Dad thought them awfully brave to entrust their

home to a family with four kids.)

 

My siblings and I practically lived outside that winter on Coldspring Drive,

sledding the hill out front and building enormous snow forts.

One neighbor even had a sled with a dog to pull it and

gave us rides up and down the road.

What a glorious, Narnia-like introduction to New England after living

in flat places like Detroit and Memphis.

 

One Sunday night in February my dad was watching Ed Sullivan

and called us to the living room.

"Come see these crazy guys with long hair, called the Beatles!"

I was nine and my sister Anne almost three.

 

These old photos hold such rich memories of our childhood. 

Today is Anne's birthday.

Happy birthday, sis. I love you!



century before last

It blows my mind that all my grandparents were born in the 1800's - the century BEFORE last! My paternal grandmother was born 118 years ago today in White County, Arkansas. Ona Kate Lanier, the 10th of 12 children born to John and Martha Lanier, grew up in Searcy, Arkansas and carved a career for herself.

My grandmother married a widower with two sons and had just one child, my father. She became a teacher, then a school principal and a stern one at that. From early on, I heard rumors that Ona Kate Lanier was as tough as they came in the world of school authorities. This knowledge put in me a little fear of my grandmother. That, added to her business-like nature, and I never felt a closeness to her.

But now I wish I'd asked "Memaw" about her young years in Arkansas. What she did for fun. How it was with so many siblings. What country life was like without cars, televisions, and electricity. How did she decide to go to college, and how did she afford it?

I know Memaw put a high value on education and was a great fan of  Mark Twain and Robert Frost. Once when she visited us in Connecticut, we took her to tour Mark Twain's home in Hartford. How that fascinated her. Perhaps it is from her that I  inherited a love of all things literary.

Memaw might have been stern, and undoubtedly applied firm discipline to my father, but lately he's been asking about his "mama," a term I never heard him use.

Happy birthday, Memaw. If only you could meet your great great-grandchildren via Skype!



Memaw with my son Dan in 1987.
She died a couple months later at age 91.

happy birthday, little sis!

I say this every year, but how I still remember my excitement

over a baby sister when I was six.

And today is her birthday ... happy birthday, Anne!

The journey we're on with our dad (Tuesday's post) has actually revived our

relationship, which we had neglected over the years.

About twice a year, Anne and I meet in Nashville for a couple of days.

Although most of our time is spent with Dad,

we also have time to talk, laugh and catch up.

We share a room with twin beds at our step-sister's house
(a lovely lady, like a sister to us and also named Anne)

and giggle until late at night.

So, even though Dad's decline is extremely hard,

it's given us a reason to be together again as sisters,

and how we cherish our time together.

September 2011, Centennial Park, Nashville

When our mother died 34 years ago, it seems the fabric of our family

began to fray. The four of us were young adults building our lives.

We were talking over the weekend how the mother in a family

seems to be the one to hold it together, relationally.

But it's useless to mourn over those years.

We trust God's hand, and we celebrate our renewed relationship.

Happy birthday, dear Anne. I love you!

December 2011 - Dad's 87th birthday ... we have two brothers, too,
Pat and Mark!



numbers tell the story

To be one of the most inept students to ever enter a math class, I'm surprisingly focused on numbers.

First, my birth year: 1955. Also in my family ...

paternal grandmother - 1895

mother - 1925

husband Bill - 1945

son Dan - 1985

So how about a grandchild born in another '5' year, 2015? It could happen!

Next, big family events such as graduations, weddings and babies.

It's been a busy ten years:

Graduations - 2001, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010 and this Saturday, 2012!

Weddings - 2007 and 2009

Babies - 2010, 2011, 2012

Finally, and this dawned on me as I drifted off to sleep last night, I am blessed by the number 3 right now. For many years, it was 3 boys and 1 girl and I never really thought much about it evening up someday.

But now!

3 sons, 3 daughters, and 3 granddaughters!

This is super amazing to me and there's a decent chance there will be more.

But even if our family stays this size, I am thankful and blessed for the numbers I have:

1 husband and

9 offspring!

happy birthday, Anne!



Anne sends me off to Girl Scout camp, 1967

Fifty-one years ago today,

my dad called from the hospital to tell me

I finally (love my 2 brothers) had a sister.

That call made me the happiest 6-year-old alive!

Time, distance, raising families and taking different life journeys separated Anne and me until two years ago.

She reached out and we forged a new relationship.

We talk often and are now sharing a spiritual journey that's unbelievably deep, rich and real.

It's so great to share with each other
what God is doing in our lives. 

My sister is one of the bravest, most loving, honest people I know. Today I honor and wish my Anne a very happy 51st birthday!



With our dad in September





brother turns 60: how did this happen?



Mom wrote '1956' on the back, but I think I am older than 18 months in this photo!
If I'm 2 and 1/2, then Pat would be 5. Memphis, Tennessee:
we didn't live in a concentration camp, though it looks like it.

 My older brother, Pat, turns 60 today. Sixty!? When my son David turns 60, I know I'm gonna feel old! But I feel old enough with my brother turning 60, which means I'm following close on his heels.



A favorite family photo of Pat on Halloween, 1960, age 7. For a few years after this was
taken, our mom wore this mask to scare kids at our door on Halloween.



Pat's an avid golfer, and hasn't let knee and shoulder replacements interrupt his game too much. It's funny, because as a kid he was a little chubby and had no interest in sports or exercise of any kind. I don't remember him playing ANY sport. The nerdy, brainy big brother. Then came college and he got serious about fitness. He began to run, lost weight and has stayed trim and fit ever since. Pretty amazing!



Pat and me on Martha's Vineyard, 1975. We were daring and hitchhiked together.

Brother, I wish you a very happy birthday. Golly, 60. How did this happen? 

Pat's on the far left, with his younger siblings and our dad,
celebrating Dad's birthday in December.



weekend with dad

Our dad celebrating his 87th birthday with, left to right: Pat, Anne, me and Mark.

My dad has lived in assisted living for two years. Although my siblings and I have made a number of visits to see him in Nashville, Tennessee, it had been 12 years since all 5 of us were together: crazy, huh?

Dad's birthday is this week, so we decided to celebrate him all together. I think we wore Dad out! We laughed a lot, ate fattening southern food, went to Dad's huge church, and even took him to the mall. (Dad insisted he "needs a suit.")

This photo will serve to remind my siblings and me of the weekend we finally all gathered to visit our dad.

Make time for your loved ones!
                                                                   

a little celebration

Though I wrote this post on Friday, today I'm headed home from Nashville after a weekend visiting my dad. This time, thanks to my younger brother Mark's suggestion, all four of us siblings are visiting Dad together. This hasn't happened in 12 years!

Dad's birthday is December 23, so this weekend was to celebrate both his birthday and Christmas. I hope Dad enjoys our time together. I have a feeling we'll be very glad the four of us made the trip to Nashville.

Centennial dad

No, my dad isn't 100. But over the weekend I visited him in Nashville, along with my sister and nephew and we took him to Centennial Park. Saturday was spectacular: highs in the 70s and sunny. We asked Dad if he might be up for an outing. He never turns down an outing with us, even if it nearly exhausts him!

Thanks to a most friendly and helpful nurse, Allo, we had a picnic basket loaded with sandwiches, fruit, and chips. Off we went to Centennial Park, so named when it was built in the late 1800's to celebrate Nashville's centennial. The park's centerpiece is the Parthenon, an impressive replica of the one in Athens.

My brilliant sister had thought to bring a folding chair, so after our picnic, Dad was content to sit and observe the people, squirrels, ducks on the lake, and watch us shoot photos. Although Dad's in a wonderful place, his typical days are much the same. The change of scenery and fresh air seemed to perk him up.

We sat under a tree that Dad called an Indian Cigar tree. Knowing Dad, he could have made up this name, but it made for interesting conversation!

My sister's son, Dakotah, wanted to visit his granddaddy. What a caring and helpful grandson! I don't know many 16-year-olds like that. Thank you, Dakotah.

What a blessing to spend the weekend with our dad. 

birthday lunch for our queen

Today we'll celebrate my mother-in-love's 95th birthday

with a family lunch out in Plain City, Ohio.

Elizabeth's sister will be there,

as well as her sons, many cousins, nieces & nephews, grandchildren

and great-grandchildren.

Some live too far away, but will join us in spirit.

And speaking of spirit,

this photo captures  Elizabeth's spirit perfectly.

Her thoughtfulness of others and cheerful demeanor

has endeared her to so many, including my three sons.

What a blessing she is to us!

(I'm thankful to my daughter, Katie, who captured this image three years ago.)

family photo

January 1, 2011:

Granddaughter Ari's first birthday, in Charlotte, North Carolina

with lots of family in attendance! The Hallers

and [my daughter-in-love] Jenny's parents, sisters & husbands, and little ones.

I came across this photo and realized that

all of us look pretty darn good ... quite an accomplishment

for 17 people, including 3 children. No eyes closed, no hidden heads!

Happy birthday - again - Ari.
But then, I wished you a special first birthday already.
So happy almost-16-months!

Dad

Dear Dad,

It was good to see you for a short visit.

In many ways, you're still Dad.

Witty, sarcastic, winsome.

But hard to really know.

Your spirit fights to stay in life's loop,

like shopping for a truck.

Though you'll never again drive a truck,

 we humor you.

It seems almost the cruel but the right thing to do.

You share memories of life
on an Arkansas farm 75 years ago.
Your house had long porches, a study with a library table
and painted wood floors. No phone or air conditioning.

Yet you don't always know the day of the week.
It seems you search your mind to connect the dots
of confused thoughts.

 But for these visits you know me and we talk and laugh
and for that I am grateful.
love you,
Barb

happy birthday, Anne!

Fifty years ago today,

my dad called from the hospital to tell me I finally had a sister.

That call made me the happiest 6-year-old alive!

Time, distance, raising families and taking different life journeys separated Anne and me until last year. She reached out and we forged a new relationship.

We've gotten to know each other and are now sharing a spiritual journey that's unbelievably deep, rich and real.

Best of all, I saw her open her heart to God fully.

My sister is one of the bravest, most loving, honest people I know.

Today I honor and wish my Anne a very happy 50th birthday.

Take a look at us through the years:

Playing sister games ~ 1964

Little sister sends big sister off

to Girl Scout camp ~ 1967

1981(?) ~ really young and large-spectacled adults

August 2009 with our brother Mark

Happy birthday, Anne. I love you!

a grandparent's legacy

(This post didn't come easily, but it's actually been in my heart for many years.
I hope it hurts no one who reads it.)

I came across this photo recently. It's the only photo I have of my paternal grandfather and me together.
I'm about six years old and Granddaddy is about 75.

I didn't have a real relationship with him.

Granted, we moved far away when I was just seven,
but I hold many memories of other people in my life at that age.

This is what I wish my grandfather had chosen to do:

Be happy to see me. Though he might have been happy when I visited,
I never sensed it.

Be demonstrative. I never remember hugs nor sitting on Granddaddy's lap.

Share stories of his childhood.

Find out what interested me and talk with me about it.

Ask questions, tell me a joke.

Tell stories about life on the farm when my dad was a boy.

I doubt that my grandfather, a hard-working Arkansas farmer who
in the prime of life fought through the Great Depression,
gave a moment's thought to the legacy he was leaving
his children and grandchildren.
Maybe the terrible reality of survival sapped his capacity to love.
At least that's how it seems to me.

I don't mean to disparage the memory of my grandfather,
but he died over 40 years ago and I don't know who he was.
That saddens me. And if he had an unspeakably horrible childhood,
that saddens me, too.

I know this sounds judgmental,
but sometimes I wonder why some people have children at all,
if not to love and know those children, forge relationships, teach compassion,
and pass on the baton of faith.
Parenting means sacrifice and a commitment to mold little hearts to
love, respect and serve others.
I think the same can be said for grandparenting.

These memories have helped me decide what sort of grandmother I want to be.

I will hug the daylights out of my grandchildren, if they're ok with it.

I won't demand affection from them, but I hope to foster it.

I will be more tender and patient with my grandchildren than I was with my children.

We'll get lost in books, especially the ones their dad or mom liked.

I will pull a chair to the kitchen counter and let them bake cookies with me.

I will tell them a joke and laugh at myself, never at them.

I will spend time outside in the sun and snow, or walk with them in the rain.

In summer I'll sit with them on the sidewalk and draw with chalk. We'll stay at the pool as long as they want.

I will listen to their fears, hold them close and pray with them.

We'll go to the park and swing, slide and climb together.

I'll tell them about my pranks at Girl Scout camp and of my childhood with no computers, cell phones, or DVDs, how we'd wait a whole year to watch "The Wizard of Oz" on TV.

I will talk with them about God and point to everything around us that speaks of His creation and love for us. 

I will take a moment every time we're

together to look

deeply into their eyes.

I will spoil them rotten. Ok, I know I'm not

allowed!

I will remember they are children and delight in them.

My grandchildren will know my smile,
my touch,

my laugh, my tears,

and especially my heart.

Without a doubt they'll know that

I love them fiercely and forever.

I won't waste time silently sitting on a chair

as my grandchildren walk through the room.