Oh, thank goodness. I see that the "experts" have corrected me by revealing their scientific findings about spanking. I did it all wrong. I spanked. And I should have incorrigible, aggressive offspring as proof. http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20100412/hl_time/08599198101900
Not.
The folks at Tulane University and the American Academy of Pediatrics have the perfect discipline plan: time-outs. Simply place the child in time-out* and after a time he will realize the error of his ways and change his behavior. I am sorry, but time-outs don't work with all children any more than spanking works or is necessary with all children. At least two of my children loved nothing better than to be in their rooms. All day? All the better!
Alright. I agree it's a bad idea to spank in anger. And honestly, I sometimes did spank in anger. I yelled in anger and even slammed doors in anger. Not proud of that. But by golly our kids knew where we stood and did not rule the house. They were also loved, accepted, shown grace and forgiven. To me, discipline means to disciple a child .... to show him the way to go so that once he's grown he'll have standards by which to live. (My paraphrase: see Proverbs 22:6.) And that can include intentional, non-abusive spanking for willful disobedience. I preferred to call it "clearing the air."
I don't even agree with spanking during a tantrum, only escalating the fury. I recall dealing with only one temper tantrum in public, and found an effective way to end it without touching my child. So I'm not all about spanking frequently.
I suppose the experts are in a corner. If they say spanking's ok, then it gives license to the crazy parents who carry punishment too far and physically abuse their children. So the experts have no choice but to criticize all spankers and say any spanking is bad.
I realize this is a hot issue, and I have friends who disagree with my apparently unpopular position. I don't criticize anyone for choosing not to spank. But if all spanking is so ineffective and damaging, would someone please explain how it is that our children turned out quite well? And generations of other children?
What's your take on spanking? And if you're one of my children commenting, remember: you're not too big to spank.
* Come to think about it, the most effective time-outs were when I put MYSELF in one when the kids were misbehaving.
4 comments:
Spanking, I agree, is a child-by-child, situation-by-situation kind of thing. Spanking Nathan would have done nothing... unphased by it. Timeout, quite effective.
Not so with the other two.
My dear mother-in-law encouraged me long ago to remember that each child is unique -- that includes uniquely responding to discipline types.
Love you, my controversy stirring friend.
hey, I'm just jumping in the fray!
Maybe some kids are just wise, "acting" like spanking is ineffective. haha.
I was spanked and will spank my own, too! (hard to think about spanking sweet Ari, but I know the time will come!)
(Dan won't need to spank Ari!)
Definitely a depends on the child and the situation and the mood of each person involved at the time.
Didn't ever have to think about spanking one child; the other, a handful of times, just to get his attention. Usually, forced time-outs worked, often for myself. :-)
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