90 years

 

My dad.

Born 90 years ago today,

December 23, 1924

in Hardy, Arkansas.

 

Thank you, Lord,

for giving me a loving father for 58 years.

He wasn't perfect and I didn't always understand him.

But he loved me and believed in me

and for that I know I was blessed.

 

Dad showed me that being a good dad, or mom,

is so very important ... and you only get one shot at it.

 

Love you, Dad.

 

 

 

 



the old Christmas trail

This post, by Donna Boucher (a blogger and photographer I love) set my mind near an old familiar trail. I took this trail every Christmas for too many years.

It started the year my mother died, 1979. Bill and I drove to Memphis to spend Christmas with my dad and siblings. Though we went through the motions of roast turkey and a trimmed tree, a heaviness hung over the house. Always the maker of Christmas in the family, my mother's absence was raw, sharp and devastating.

As the years went on, little things hit me. "Angels We Have Heard on High," a favorite carol of Mom's, would bring me to tears. Gifts hidden in closets. Christmas morning coffee cake and cheese grits. Once our children came along, emotions only heightened. I tried to make Christmas wonderful for my kids, to give them memories they'd always cherish. But by December 24, as much as I tried to ignore it, the combined stress and sadness swept over me. It really wasn't the proper focus at all, for me or the kids. I hope they "got" Christ at Christmas despite my gloominess.

My mother's death pre-dated my spiritual rebirth by 8 years. But by the time I yielded my life to God, habits were firmly rooted. Habits like fixing my eyes on the seen, not the unseen. Valuing a worldly view over an eternal one. And yes, allowing memories and the idea of a picture-perfect Christmas to overwhelm me.

These days? It's much better, though my mind can dally near that old trail. I pray for a heart focused on Christ and his will for my December. To give, to serve, to love better. And to be comforted by God.

Still, perhaps I'll always struggle with a damaged heart around Christmas time. It seems to be a condition shared by so many. If you find yourself there, I understand. As Donna Boucher says,

 

"I won't tell you to snap out of it. I can only say, I know."

I pray blessings, peace, contentment and eyes ever on Christ this Christmas.

back in the saddle

It seems I've been apologizing all year about being away from blogging. Just been one of those years. I think about writing, but then get stuck thinking of what to write, then on the verge of something and get busy or have a road trip and blah blah blah!

So we've kind of sort of already had Christmas. We - Bill and I, kids & spouses & girlfriend, and all five grandchildren, converged at Mark and Jill's house for Thanksgiving. It was fun and LOUD and messy (when was the last time you cleaned a handful of rice off a wood floor? not so pretty) and exhausting and love-filled and wonderful! So. My thought was to get Christmas gifts all together and take them at Thanksgiving. It was great in theory but made me a little koo koo for the month of November. Well, most shopping eventually makes me koo koo ya know? Here are a few photos ...

 

 

Air and space museum!

 

We were THRILLED to meet Chelsea, David's girlfriend!


It's funny how I was first a mom to three little boys ...
and now my first three grandchildren are little girls. Love!



 Until next time ....... 

Brittany ... and my babies

Late again. I'll give myself yet another chance, or rather another kick in the pants to get back to blogging.

Sadly, Brittany Maynard did carry out her plan to end her life on November 1. You may think whatever you like on this issue, but I find it very sad and wrong that "death with dignity" is a growing movement. See the post below, October 9, to read why. 

On a much different note, I road-tripped to see "my" babies three weeks ago. Bill was undergoing some physical therapy so he stayed here. These road trips aren't getting any easier or more fun. I don't like that it's such a big deal to see my babies. They're growing and changing rapidly and I miss them so much it hurts.

First to Charlotte and Ari, Ashlyn and Noah. The girls are suddenly older and more self-sufficient. They carry on wonderful conversations and get lost in their Legos. Noah's walking but still kind of a baby. Very loving but also a boy who gets into everything. This has mama Jenny a little frazzled. I started with three boys so it seems normal to me!

 

 

I stayed with them for 7 hours on Saturday so Dan and Jenny could have a date. I'll admit my self-confidence in this task was lacking, but everyone survived. Whew!

Next it was on to Virginia to visit Mark, Jill, Lily and Ethan in their new home. After two years in a townhouse, they have a house! And yard! So great for them.

Lily is definitely two and has those moments. But she's so full of love and sweetness, too. She loves to have me read to her, go on walks, and color. We have more conversations now which I just love.

Little Ethan just turned one. I got very few photos of him with the camera, ugh! He crawls constantly when not in his chair and poor guy has had lots of fussiness from teeth coming in. But he's a sweet boy who loves watching all that's going on around him. Baba introduced him to frozen peas which he found yummy.

And what in the world, I don't have ANY photos of Dan, Jenny, Mark or Jill! Maybe we'll do better later this month when we're all, yes ALL, at Mark and Jill's for Thanksgiving!!

 

(So happy to "find the light" in their breakfast nook - a photographer's best friend.)

happy birthday, Jenny!

We met Jenny exactly 10 years ago at Taylor University's parents weekend. I eyed her carefully as we ordered ice cream at Ivanhoe's. My son Dan was smitten, but she'd momentarily broke his heart over the summer. Early in sophomore year, they seemed to be "an item." Jenny was smart, cute, forthright, light-hearted, but I was suspicious of her devotion to my son Dan. She was the first love interest of any of my boys, so I didn't really know much about the girl part of new love. But I was fiercely protective of my son's heart.

Within a month or so, Dan brought Jenny home for a weekend. She fit in comfortably right away, cooking with us and making bead bracelets with Katie, who thought the idea of a big sister was totally cool. And Jenny won me over, too, mostly because I saw her heart for God and for Dan.

So here we are, ten years later! Dan and Jenny married in 2007 and now have three wonderful children. Though young adulthood didn't play out as she planned, Jenny has grown into motherhood (and wifehood, is that a word?) beautifully. Her get-it-done personality is still evident, but so is a spirit of flexibility and acceptance that evolves in mothering three small children. Jenny is devoted to her family and her God and is passionate about educating the children creatively. Perhaps best of all, Jenny recognizes and appreciates that each child is different, created uniquely by God. Also, I don't know what Dan would do without her!

 

Today Jenny turns 30 so I'm wishing her a very happy birthday. Jenny, I hope you'll embrace this season of life. Oh, how I know its intensity, exhaustion, and frustrations: how overwhelmingly hard the days can be. I pray you realize that with each passing birthday, you've acquired experience and wisdom for the tasks before you. I admire you for mothering well with love and humor. I love you like a daughter and thank God for you. Happy birthday!

the beauty in dying

Did you read the story of Brittany Maynard, the 29-year-old with brain cancer in Oregon? She plans to legally end her life on November 1. When I read her story and watched her heart-rending video this week, I was saddened and horrified, especially by the support and encouragement she is receiving regarding her decision.

But then, I'm not dying of cancer. I didn't know how to express my sense of how Brittany's decision seems so wrong. I couldn't lend credibility until I read a post on Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience. Ann's friend Kara Tippetts, a 38-year-old mother of four, also has stage 4 cancer. Kara opens her heart to Brittany, imploring her in love to reconsider her decision that looms less than a month away. It is tender, affirming and loving in every way. Please read and decide for yourself:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/

"In our dying, He meets us with His beautiful grace," says Kara. How I came to know this truth on my four years of trips to Nashville to be with my dying father. I hated those trips. But I loved them, too. In that last year, as painful as it was to witness Dad's agonizing decline into dementia and death, I emerged on the other side realizing that beautiful grace.

God granted me the beauty of getting to know my father: a man who managed to hide his real self. God showed me how to stretch beyond my comfort and pain-free life to hold the hand and heart of my dying father. He comforted me on every drive home from Nashville as tears fell. God drew me ever closer through music and scripture, speaking to my heart that He had me, and He had my dad.

If this wasn't grace in dying, please tell me what is. Grace. It's a gift, an unmerited gift. My father's death was a gift of grace and powerful love for us both as we drew ever closer.

Had my father been able to take a pill to end his life, well, the gifts and grace and intense beauty would have been stolen. And his life would have ended before God had planned. God creates life and it is He who takes it away.

My times are in your hands ...

Psalm 31:15

As for God, his way is perfect ...

Psalm 18:30

happy birthday, David!

I entered motherhood 31 years ago tonight when I gave birth to David William in West Palm Beach, Florida. Have to say he was probably the calmest baby to ever

enter the world. At Christmas we grabbed the camera to photograph him screaming his head off because we hadn't seen him cry so hard before.

And he's continued to be pleasant and easy-going ever since.

 

 

 

David's spending this week with us and we're loving it!

Lots of eating, visiting, laughing, walks and just hanging out.

It's rare and really special.

 

I love you David and am so thankful God gave you to me!